Thanks, Nov 14, 2010

Nov 14, 2010: I am thankful that I have a job, and that our company is doing decently, decently enough that I got a pretty nice raise which will be retroactive to Oct 1 on my next paycheck at the beginning of December!

Untitled (almost completely)

I'm all alone. It's scary.

Yes, I know I have God/Jesus/Spirit, and that's not nothing. But a real live person? Nada. And I don't see that changing in the next 50 years or so.

If only I could figure out how to be the guy that won't automatically screw things up, because that part (screwing things up) I seem to have down pat.

Maybe I should start my Thanksgiving posts for the rest of the month of November. Sounds like a plan. One thing I'm thankful every day through November 30. That's a few days past Thanksgiving (get your T-Day tree up soon!), but I'm starting a little late, and I'm sure there's a few things for which I am thankful.

Remembrance

Next Monday would have been my dad's 69th birthday.

I wish I had some kind of artistic outlet so that people could see how devastating his death two years ago has been to me.

Instead, I put on a brave face and try to press on. But wow do I miss him tremendously.

so much

[hey, look, a new design. Blogger provided; I played.]

Wow, there's so much to do: work, movies, dinners with friends, good TV shows, bad TV shows, plans for the future, cleaning up the apartment, stories to write, new skills to attain, new things to learn about, books to read.

And I do almost none of it. I work, and I watch some movies and TV (both the good and the bad). Sometimes, I get together with friends, but not as much as I would like.

I miss (my local) church the way it used to be, and I believe that has as much to do with me as it does with the church. Floundering would be a good description.

I'm a media guy (of my own description), but I don't know what that entails. I'm 46, and I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. That's a partial lie: I do know what I would like, but I don't have the foggiest notion how to get there. This might be called a "Paralysis of Options". I have too many things I want to do, so I don't know where to start. Hence, I don't.

Recently, I was encouraged to make some goals. I know how to make goals, and I can help anybody with it, but like most things dealing with me, I have no inkling where to go. I need help, but I don't know exactly what kind, and I wouldn't know what to ask for.

I am tired of defining myself by everything I'm not and everything I can't do. Other than work, though, which I know I'm decent enough at, I don't know what positive things exist about me. My self-view is extremely binary: either I'm perfect, or it's worthless/pointless/irrelevant. How's that for a standard to try to live up to? I'm not sure how to turn that around.

The Wolfman

I went to see The Wolfman today. To be honest, I wasn't sure what to expect. I've seen the old Universal Studios Frankenstein and Dracula films, and it's possible I saw the Wolfman film, but I don't recall too much about it.

I'm familiar with werewolf legends in general: full moon raises the werewolf up; a silver bullet through the heart will kill them (or is that being shot anywhere with a silver bullet? and does it have to be a bullet, or can anything silver be used to do the deed? Imagine you had a stake make of silver and wood (like a candy cane). You could then hunt both werewolves and vampires with seeming impunity. And if you happened to come across some kind of hybrid vam-wolf or were-pire, you'd still be set because you could take care of both halves at once. [No, I don't stay up nights wondering about stuff like this. It just comes to me naturally.] [Also, not sure where the abs-ful werewolves come from, but those aren't real vampires, either. Underwear models do not make convincing vampires OR werewolves.]

Back to the movie.

This current The Wolfman is Universal Studios' attempt to resurrect the monster franchise. While there were some interesting things in the movie (Emily Blunt did a really good job as Gwen, I thought), if it were up to me, the movie itself is just not strong enough to warrant a franchise being established.

A movie being strong enough to spur a continuing story, though, has almost nothing to do with the story itself and everything to do with whether it made money or not. Only time will tell if Universal (and, more importantly, the accountants) declares The Wolfman a success and proceeds to another outing.

Aside: Hollywood accounting is a strange animal as far as accounting goes. For instance, Warner Bros. accounting declared that Batman (the first Tim Burton movie from 1989) made no profit. This was only mentioned in the lawsuit raised by someone due a percentage of the profits as stipulated in their contract. No profits, no payout, end of story. End aside.

Sorry, keep getting distracted away from the movie. And I guess that's my problem with it: I didn't find there to be much to get excited about during the movie. I saw a big plot twist from almost the beginning of the movie, so that wasn't a shock. The transformation of Benicio Del Toro into the werewolf was not that exciting.

Maybe this is a "hard problem", but I think the original transformation way back when was far more ahead of its time than this transformation is with all of the fantastic CGI tools available which are seemingly limited merely be one's imagination. One's imagination was not necessarily near any kind of breaking or even stretching point here.

See, it happened again: following another distraction away from talking about the movie. There's just not that much to say, really (and still I'm long winded). I don't regret seeing the movie. There were some intense moments, but I wanted more. I can't remember the director or the movie, but an actor on a talk show (or commentary) talked about a director only saying "better" after every take (meaning, "do it better") until the actor broke, stopped acting, and became the character, at which point the director was satisfied with the performance and wrapped for the day.

Closing 1: Universal, "better".

Closing 2: The Wolfman 2: Electric Boogaloo

Register

Register

The Blind Side

I went to see The Blind Side today. There were lots of previews that had nothing in common other than being dramatic. Or comedies. Or just some totally random collection of movies that had no tie-in to any other movies out at this time. Oh, well, it’s still good to see. But by the time they were finished, I had forgotten what we came to see.

In full disclosure, I had absolutely nothing to do with this movie except as a viewer. With that caveat out of the way, let me say how much I enjoyed this movie. I found it excellent in nearly every way possible. The actors all gave great performances, including the young Jae Head playing SJ Tuohy in a scene-stealing performance. It seemed Kathy Bates had less than five minutes on-screen, yet her presence was immense.

The essential plot is given in either of the two excellent trailers that I saw (which gave the essence of the movie without giving away the movie – a rare feat in trailers today). Leigh Anne Tuohy (Sandra Bullock in her best role so far) and her husband family take in Michael Oher (Quinton Aaron), a large, quiet, practically-homeless black teenager, one Thanksgiving eve and give him a home. They help him to learn, play sports, and become a young man who can live in society rather than be stuck in the trauma of his young life.

Having graduated from Mississippi State, I detest Ole Miss, probably as much as Leigh Anne detests Tennessee. Other than being located on a beautiful campus, I don’t know that I’ve ever had a pleasant thing to say about Ole Miss. Yet, the power of this movie was such that I was actually rooting for Ole Miss. My maroon blood had a blip of red & blue.

Maybe The Blind Side will receive Academy Award attention; I believe it’s certainly worthy of nomination. With a field of ten best-picture nominees, surely a place can be found to honor this movie; it is great enough to be nominated were there merely five choices.

Regardless of critical acclaim and awards or lack thereof, something deeper is at work in this movie. While we all can be better people and treat each other better and be more humane, this movie sounds a clarion call to Christians to step outside the ghetto of the church and be a force of change for good for the sake of people, not power or fame or control. While money can help and is necessary, throwing money at a problem will never solve said problem. It sometimes requires blood, sweat, and tears.

Years of inactivity, lip service, entitlement, and judgment have lead to our society in which Christianity is belittled (somewhat rightly) for overt hypocrisy, in which Christians seem to act merely to gain political power, and in which God is ascribed the source of all things evil and wrong rather than the Father and Author of all things Good in our world that He is.

Christian, you have been called to a higher standard and at great cost and sacrifice. Is it enough to say, “Thank God I’m saved”? is that the extent of the value of our lives? It is not enough to just be right; we must also do right. It is not enough to just be good; we must also do good. It is not enough to just be loved; we must also love.

“…continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.” – Philippians 2:12-13, NIV

Hard to do

On July 6th of this year, I had to do the hardest thing I’ve encountered in my life: I had to put my beloved cat, Clark Kent, of nearly 16 years (3 days short) to sleep. He had developed kidney disease; his liver was beginning to fail; he had a lesion on his lung; and his levels were all moving in the wrong direction.

I put up a memorial page on evercats.com. Sadly, the picture posted there is the only one I had available when I wrote it; it doesn’t show how beautiful a cat he really was.

I can’t believe how much I miss him, over two months later. I thought losing my dad was hard, and it was (and is). But I still cry for Clarkie. Not every day like the first couple of weeks, but man, I never knew how attached to that little creature I was and still am. I still hear him walking around, rustling paper. Fortunately, I don’t feel him jump up on my bed, but I have felt paper brush against my leg, and for a split second my thought is that it’s him. Then reality crashes in.

I know in time I’ll not cry (as much), but I’ll remember him fondly until my brain stops working so well. Goodbye, little buddy.

Sadness

Maybe it's because I first read about this on the first anniversary of my dad's death, or maybe there's something God is trying to tell me, i don't know.

But I read about this student who had been missing since May 1, Gerald Smith (he was a member of the Lockergnome community run by Chris Pirillo. He was found dead last night (click title for article). I "knew" yesterday afternoon that he was gone. When I read last night that his body had been found, I cried.

I'm not against crying or afraid to do so, or even afraid to admit that I do. But I'd sure like to know why it has affected me so much.

Finally

Well, after months of hemming, hawing, and darning, I have finally joined a gym. Dieting can only do so much, but in the past, working out has done wonders for me. And I really need to drop some major pounds, especially before I go back to the doctor in a couple of months. And I really want to be off my medication but soon. I'm tired of being overweight.

Tomorrow morning is my first workout (with a trainer). At 6:30 a.m. Future days I hope to start earlier.