Gifts

We've been doing a class for the single adults at our church that involves discovering our spiritual gifts, our passions, and things we're interested in doing. I was kind of shocked to find out my top spiritual gift according the to the survey I took: prophecy. That's quite a shock for a (dreaded) Southern Baptist boy, as SB's are quite well known for their prophetic gifts. That was followed by teaching and wisdom. Don't laugh at the wisdom part. Is there such a thing as artificial wisdom? It would go so well with my artificial intelligence.

I was not too shocked by the teaching one. I expected it to be high. Ever since I was a little kid, my mother felt I would be some kind of teacher. And I have been for years, in some form or fashion, either just helping people, tutoring, writing, or actually teaching. I noticed something else today about the teaching. I've been teaching other single adults for over two years now. I don't get much feedback about my teaching, so from a purely human standpoint, I'm not sure if I do a good job or not. Sometimes I feel particularly moved in the Spirit; sometimes (usually) I'm well aware of my own inadequacy; sometimes both at the same time. Yet, I have never based my worth on my teaching. I'm glad to be used of God in any small way, and I hope I don't get in the way too much. I take comfort in the fact that I try to remain open to what the Spirit moves me to say, and that is more than sufficient.

In other areas of my life, I automatically assume I suck because I hear no positive feedback  (once a year doesn't count in my book; it is better than nothing, but only by an extremely small epsilon -- it's virtually identical to nothing). There is nothing in me that allows me to look objectively at what I do and consider what I did worthwhile. Telling myself I did a good job doesn't fill that void in my life. With teaching, I see myself somewhat divorced from the process (since God is doing it); with everything else, I find it dependent upon me.