It's Movie Time

Here it is August, and the summer movie season is almost over. Labor Day marks the end of anything remotely worthwhile (or, should I say "hopefully" money-making?) coming out until around Thanksgiving (U.S.), when the studios begin releasing their "please consider this for Academy Award honors as we've put out nothing worthwhile—or should we say only money-making because somebody has to pay for this swill" movies. [Ed. note: I'm not really this cynical, but even if I am, does it make it any less true?]

As I've said once or twice before, I love movies. Just this morning, I watched Persuasion, a film adapatation of the Jane Austen novel by the same name. Excellent movie. Having seen this, Emma (two versions), and Clueless (yet another version of Emma), perhaps I need to read this chick's books. The movie is excellent, with Anne Elliot's character well played by Amanda Root. For the time, she is quite put upon by all who surround her, and she bears it remarkably well even if with no great sum of cheerfulness. Good stuff.

I started watching a movie entitled Nautilus from 2000 (IMDb, 1998 according to Netflix). After 20 minutes, I gave up. Horrible story line, totally non-sensical in execution.

Example the First: a driver being chased by police throws a grenade out the window of the truck. Said grenade detonates directly underneath one of the police cars, causing a huge fireball, the likes of which I've only seen from a refinery explosion. On top of that lovely dose of realism, several buildings quite distant simultaneously cease cohesive existence due to similarly-huge fireballs.

Example the Second: A man enters a bar on the ground floor looking for another man, an American with a shaved head. He is told—after an appropriate bribe— that the man is "upstairs". Actually, the bartender just points with his chin upwards and over, indicating upstairs. Next thing we know, the searching man is on the second floor trying to take out the sentry at the head of the stairs, which is next to an elevator. One guard for two points of entry makes a great deal of sense, and somehow the protagonist in question arrives on the second floor through—the magic of movies— neither of these access points. Teleportation anyone? And it goes downhill from there.

Normally, I try to give a movie a full viewing, figuring a better-informed opinion is only available after viewing the entire monstrosity. This movie, however, is one of those that you keep thinking can only get better yet manages somehow to prove exactly the opposite. After 20 minutes, the movie had sunk below my limits of tolerance. This movie can only be of any good as part of the (b)millions of AOL discs being turned into art.

Movies Coming Up I'd Like to See

This is a list of movies coming up in the next month or so that, based upon either a trailer or a synopsis and the patent-pending magic of Jack, look interesting and potentially worthwhile. I won't see most of them in the theater due primarily to expense and lack of time, but I want to watch them eventually. Here is the list and a sentence or two of why I think it will be worthwhile.
Opening 8/18

The Illusionist

Edward Norton, what more do I need to say? Okay, he's a magician in turn-of-the-century Vienna (1900's) tries to win the heart of a woman engaged to the prince.

10th and Wolf

An ex-Marine (James Marsden) returns home to Philadelphia and learns his brother and cousin have been inducted into the mob. (Yahoo!) I like mob movies, even if I've never seen The Godfather (one day, I promise).

Opening 8/25

Invincible

True-life story of a regular Joe who tries out for the Philadelphia Eagles. I hate football but love a good story. This appears to have both.

Idlewild

A movie from the musical group Outkast set in a speakeasy in the 1930's. The trailer looks like a lot of fun, dancing, etc.

Honorable Mentions

Factotum

Matt Dillon is a writer who can't seem to get a break.

Trust the Man

Just the stars of the film are intriguing enough for me: Julianne Moore, David Duchovny, Maggie Gyllenhaal and Billy Crudup. I like 'em all.

Material Girls

Hilary and Hayley Duff play sisters whose parents' company loses all its assets, and they must learn to live in the real world. Predictable, sure, but looks like fun. Yeah, I know...

Fakers

British flick about a man planning a series of art heists. Love them caper movies.

The Quiet

An adopted deaf girl learns the secrets of a family and their friends.

Looking for Kitty

Ed Burns assumed all mantles in this film concerning a private eye searching for the missing wife a football coach. Sounds suspiciously like the Fox show about the search for the missing wife of a senator.

Why? Please, Why?

Accepted

Boy creates his own college after not getting accepted to the one of his dreams.

Snakes on a Plane

"Snakes" is the deal killer.

Beerfest

For those who worship beer only.

How to Eat Fried Worms

The title says it all, doesn't it?

Coming Up Later

Crank

Jason Statham! Like Speed, but from the heart. Heh heh

The Wicker Man

Nicholas Cage in a scary(?) movie.

Hollywoodland

Superman!!!!! okay, George Reeves. Blech to Ben Affleck as Reeves, though the trailer looks impressive.

The Black Dahlia

Maybe now we'll know who killed that woman.

Gridiron Gang

The RockDuane Johnson tries to teach convicts life through football.