So Long and Thanks for all the Fish

This post is approved by me. It has nothing to do with Douglas Adams or Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, one of the funniest series of books I've ever read, right up there with A Confederacy of Dunces.

So much has happened since I last posted anything, what, two weeks ago? I constantly battle illness, though I think that's primarily a depressive response to not being happy with my job, or not knowing exactly what my job is. Yesterday and today were filled with almost no stress at work in comparison to normal days.

This past weekend, I went on a retreat with other singles from my church. I wanted to watch a movie during some free time (which is almost silly when you consider I was at the beach, but I had had as much of the beach as I wanted), but it was not to be. The big screen (36") TV was completely broken, and I couldn't get video through the little 20" tv. Owse, I had a great time, learned a few things, and generally enjoyed being around friends. I'm such the introvert; being around the people -- even friends -- totally wore me out. Sunday morning, we had a "meet Nature" study, and we went outside to appreciate the beauty God created for us. Because I had hurt my knee, I did not get off the deck but looked at the flowers lining the walk leading to the beach.

And I had a revelation. The flowers I saw were yellow and purple. If these grew in your yard, you'd most likely label them as weeds, yet here, they were beautiful. Same plant, different perspective as to their value. And God said, "As much as you look down on yourself and can only see uselessness and darkness, I see the beauty I have created you to be, far more beautiful than all these flowers put together." Same person, two different perspectives as to my value. I realize that God keeps showing me how worthy, beautiful, and valuable He considers me to be, yet I have an extremely hard time holding on to that as anything beyond a logical proposition. I want to believe it -- I want it to be real to me -- but I keep getting bogged down in my own failures, in my lack of physical attractiveness, and in my lack of affirmation.

Another revelation I had last week: I am a media guy. I love movie, music, and TV as much as most guys are considered to love sports. Yes, there are people who love movies/music/TV more than me, and there are those that are much more highly critical of these things, and most people just don't care one way or the other as long as they don't have to think about anything. (By critical, I mean breaking it down to its parts and seeing how it all fits or doesn't fit together -- some might consider TV totally vacuous, but it has its moments.) I like what I like (Grosse Pointe Blank, Gattaca, "Dharma & Greg", "Dick Van Dyke", "Babylon 5", DC Talk, Eurythmics, INXS, Duran Duran, Wes King, Dennis Jernigan), and I don't like what I don't like (About Last Night, "West Wing", "Ally McBeal", so-called reality TV, Stephen Curtis Chapman, the local Christian radio station). No apologies. God has given me likes, dislikes, passions, and desires for a reason, and to deny that these things mean something to me, that these things are important to me, would be foolishness. It's okay for me to be a media guy. As long as I keep it in perspective and continue to keep God/Jesus/Spirit first in my life and do what's pleasing to Him, it's okay.

Speaking of media, I went to see Hero Tuesday night with my buddy, Clay. What an excellent movie! Beautiful cinematography, a nice story, and a striking point all meld together to form a whole that is greater than the sum of its parts. To those who say this is just like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, I ask, "how you can say this?" I found no similarities other than both being in Chinese (Mandarin, I think) and having wire-work martial arts. Anyway, this movie is highly recommended on the big screen. Trust me, don't wait for video to see this one.